I think it was Testimonium inspired. Just some momentary sadness. Generally, I'm an optimist

***
I didn’t notice
How I died
First the color
Of my heart
Turned dark
Dark purple
A giant bruise
I found it strange
And strangely
Beautiful
And its rhythm
First dancing
Then running
Then falling
Occasionally
Calmed down
To silence
I found that
Finally
It is at peace
And the beauty
That called to me
From every moment
Just absorbed me
With my skin
And my skeleton
And my relaxed tongue
And my empty lungs
Shriveled
As my brain
Dried
No
I didn’t notice
How I died
And this is its prequel written some time ago:
***
With each note
I know I will never love again
I sense hurt in my left arm’s vein
Right when I thought I was found
I feel lost again
A cloud
Looks as if glued to the sky --
Whipped cream of water --
I am the sky’s daughter
It never left me; I want there
Where can tread no mortal
Where is the magical portal
That would take me there
To the final everywhere
That exists beyond the commonplace
And occupies no space
It calls to me and leaves no trace
Like a teardrop dried it lives on in my mind
And only there
I try passing by or give in and try catching
But nothing earthly bound can capture
The moment is gone; the cloud keeps changing
There is nothing matching
I have to walk on
I will never love again
This is why I’m still trying
You’re the one, but my heart is crying
When I close my eyes
I see clouds flying
With each note
I sense how my heart is dying
I will smile, denying
Yes, of course, I chose this road