How About Poetry???

[egonSchiele]

To be honest, it's a song, not a poem... and it does feel weird posting on an empty forum...
***
Look
Look into my eyes
My presence is disguised
In fear

Words
My words are stuck in here
They ornament the air
Unmoved

In
Within me, I don't cry
I watch the time
It flows
Loud
I wanted to shout
Out

Done
Is all that I could do
The time has passed
It's yet to come
Run
Away, my fear of life
I want my light
To shine

Crime
Let it be called a crime
What does it change
It's just a word
Lord
He only knows the truth
There are so many views
All false

Look
Look into my eyes
I recognize
I saw you here
You were this close

[egonSchiele]

I think it was Testimonium inspired. Just some momentary sadness. Generally, I'm an optimist   

***
I didn’t notice
How I died

First the color
Of my heart
Turned dark
Dark purple
A giant bruise

I found it strange
And strangely
Beautiful

And its rhythm
First dancing
Then running
Then falling
Occasionally
Calmed down
To silence

I found that
Finally
It is at peace

And the beauty
That called to me
From every moment
Just absorbed me

With my skin
And my skeleton
And my relaxed tongue

And my empty lungs
Shriveled
As my brain
Dried

No
I didn’t notice
How I died

And this is its prequel written some time ago:
***
With each note
I know I will never love again

I sense hurt in my left arm’s vein
Right when I thought I was found
I feel lost again

A cloud
Looks as if glued to the sky --
Whipped cream of water --
I am the sky’s daughter
It never left me; I want there
Where can tread no mortal

Where is the magical portal
That would take me there
To the final everywhere
That exists beyond the commonplace
And occupies no space
It calls to me and leaves no trace
Like a teardrop dried it lives on in my mind
And only there
I try passing by or give in and try catching
But nothing earthly bound can capture
The moment is gone; the cloud keeps changing
There is nothing matching
I have to walk on

I will never love again
This is why I’m still trying
You’re the one, but my heart is crying
When I close my eyes
I see clouds flying

With each note
I sense how my heart is dying
I will smile, denying
Yes, of course, I chose this road

[egonSchiele]

***
A standing wave
Of applauds
The mountains
Of sound
I’m trapped in

Nobody sees
The unseen
Everyone hears
The sound
I cave in to fear
No one is here
To see it in me
I am generating
This sound
Too;
I also applaud
Yet I’m
Frozen in fear

The crowd is too near
Even in a space
Delineating
Each place
Pristine
Of another’s presence
The essence
Remains:
Stay still
Play along
Wait out

I want to scream
But I know the gamut:
It will pass

Call me a coward
Make me laugh
Hysterically
I perfect the art
Of going forward
Unwaveringly
Through the sound
Breaking me
Invisibly
Through the fear
Of any big crowd
Around me

Nobody sees
The unseen
World I live in
Struggling
With the big world
We share

Yet I still dare
To forget
How much I need a hand
Of help
But it’s fine
Everyone walks their own line
Everyone needs to see
Otherwise, it cannot be

A standing wave
Of applauds
The mountains
Of sound
I’m trapped in

I fear nothing —
What I fear
Just
Cannot be

[Kitty]

For real it is that I can utter in words what I can't speak out loud
if I had known the shit I entered I would have turned around
remained alone for the rest of my life
because I feel incapable of breathing
this stincky filthy drap crap chokes me
and all I want is to step out
the remaining days with, I sense as too much, too long
begone and fade, I won't miss you for a second
the guilt feeling for my own feelings are there
but I entered the state of mind that my self matters too
and so young and unstable but unbelievable believes to empower my self
I hate him for doing this, I hate him for being
for real it is that I would not speak out loud these words
for you're supposed to be kind and sweet and understanding
you're supposed to let a child be child and swallow
the crap and soulunworthy attitude they spread
a mirror perhaps can't speak louder than this one
an illness should never be a masquerade for uneducated
unhelped and left by themselves kids because parents don't wanna see
they're not fitting in by themselves...just like I once...still
god knows I hate myself for hating
but in words I can utter what in sounds ought not come out
it's my soul unworthy to be this desperate in hatred
but I cannot stand the way it moves and crawls and gathers strenght inside
it kills me, eats me, distracts me, this pissed off wrecked irritation
in thoughts I smacked his head a thousand times towards the wall back there
fear of myself
just a little while and it's all gone again.

[Kitty]

what happened that I attracked yet another obstacle
turned on a road I thought things were about to get smooth
love and peace came in center
and now this
when am I supposed to just enjoy the love for my own child?
when am I allowed to say fuck you to all the bitchy crap things?
when am I allowed to chose for myself where I put my attention on to?
why is it so fricking hard for others to just leave me alone?
it is the road I chose I walk onto now
there's no escaping when you're put together 24/24 7/7
my soul needs peace, rest, time out
and none sees it, none respects it, non accepts it
what happened that I drew all this over my head
wasn't I happy once?
wasn't I  at peace once?
or will it take till I step out of this?

[egonSchiele]

***
In my heart, I record every wave
Of the bridges, I wanted to kiss you on
In my mind I know — in a year I’ll be gone
From these bridges
And these people
And maybe even this continent

I am confident
Of this as of my own skin

I come in
My temporary home
It will be known
By my friends
As a safe haven

It would be heaven
For me to see
Faces looking at me
Smilingly

Maybe
This is why I am here

In my heart
I saved your smile
Your quick glance at me
And my misery
Of failing us both

Sometimes I dare looking there
But mostly I try drowning in the river
Of beauty

[egonSchiele]

***
The summer was short
But the autumn brings peace

It cries the tears
I can’t bring out anymore

It whispers and screams
Words of death — they console
My soul

My body, my mind, and my everything
All want winter
With the cold that would splinter
The tears within me
So they finally
Leave me
And free my soul
From my body

I’ll be a melody
Hopefully, a song of summer
That can make a heart shine;
I was never good at
Summertime and being alive —
I’d love to make up for it

[Kitty]

Das Wissen nimmt den Platz der Sehnsucht
Ich weiss was die Liebe uns Beide bedeutet hat
unendlich bedingungslos wächst sie weiter in mir
in dir, deine Seele eine Heimat die ich immer gesucht
und gefunden, unerwartet
Ich weiss du weisst ich weiss
und das Wissen beruhigt die Seele verbreitet
auch wenn wir uns nie wieder sehen, sehe ich dich täglich
die Ruhe der Verbundenheit die einfach ist
auch wenn ich versucht habe davon zu läufen
man kann sichselbst nicht verleuchnen
Das Wissen nimmt Platz
durch Zeit und Raum fliesst meine Wärme
das Glück hängt irgendwo da oben
siehst du nicht?
das dunkel wird hell und das Herz leuchtet auf
niemals könnte ich verlassen
diese Freundschaft die mir den Weg zeigt
zum Leben, völlig hier, jetzt, entschlossen
könnte ich nur noch danke sagen
für das Wissen, das in uns ist.

[egonSchiele]

Sorry. Next time I'll try writing something beautiful and uplifting. 
***
I saw mothers who treat their dogs better than their daughters
I saw mothers who train their daughters like dogs
Fetch! Sit!
Lie! Roll!

Such an undertow
And I know each phase

Such a craze
And I know each blow

I knew fathers who forgot their children’s names
I knew fathers who forgot they had children
I heard fathers making fun of them
The subjects laughed along
Everyone wants to seem normal
My stomach lurched and I can’t get over
This and the thought
Am I alone pained by it?

A misfit
Is pushed out

Like a stain
It’s wiped out

I have a wall of their eyes staring at me
I have an ocean of their tears within me
It drowns the light in the darkness

I smile and sip coffee with these mothers
I sit together with these fathers
I pet their dogs

[Shadows-In-Twilight]

... LET MYSELF DIE


grey sky, rain and clouds
the evening's closing in
i'm laying in my bed, alone
i wish i wasn't, though ...
wish you were here with me
kissing me a lullaby
holding me safe and so close

but you were never really mine
and i was never really yours
it breaks my heart
we're nothing but only my utopia

and we said our goodbyes
and the stars have died
and the sun no longer shines
and i'm so empty inside ...
as if someone ripped out my heart
as if someone shut my lungs

i died the day i knew i loved you
and there was nothing i could do
i fought so hard, my love, i didn't want to
i knew i'd shed tears in the end
i knew you cannot feel the same
so i killed my heart, myself ...
i killed myself again

it's the pain that freezes you
and makes you numb inside
you cannot scream, you cannot cry
a thousand knives, my love,
pierce my soul
you're all there is in this world ...
you are all there is at all ...

... and i love you so much
it's breaking my heart
i love you so much
i let myself die ...

[Shadows-In-Twilight]

some of you might remember my Meda ... she died this February, after years of fighting her illness, 12 and a half years old    and i wrote this thinking of her ...



MEET ME THERE


run free, my girl
across the vastness of the heavenscapes
beyond the rainbow, free from pain ...
when nothing's left
the love remains
a shattered heart
devastated, broken, down
crying out loud
wait for me, my girl
at the end of the rainbow
where this world's an illusion
a memory, a faraway dream
wait for me, my girl
where the rainbow meets our world
meet me halfway on that bridge

don't you know?
you're so dearly missed ...

[egonSchiele]

***
At times it comes
As a tidal wave of desire
I almost moan
Is this your fire?
It makes me burn

When I stop thinking of you

At times it comes
With a kiss
Each different
Each makes my heart sink
Into an abyss
Of hopefulness

I feel fragile and weak

At times it feels
As if I’m received
By you
As your one and only
So you
Tenderly
Hold my hands
And I become dreamy
And I feel safe

To be at peace is to have faith

At times it feels
As pure bliss
A warm light
Shines from within
I know I’m of your kin
I know you’re coming
One day

One day I will come home

[egonSchiele]

My momentary devastation.
***
My little heart
I push you out
Onto this river
This cold river

Flow
In this boat made of paper
Sooner or later
It was due to come
I sense how I falter
Soon all will be gone

How quick would you drown?

The river alone
The cold lonely river
Will know

[egonSchiele]

River horse

Life
Has so many reasons for a smile
A dog, and a flower
And a funny chunk of concrete
I see the beauty in it
My anchor and my survival
I dial
The number to talk with
My angel of time

Life
Has so many lovers in it
When I see a pair
I pray silently
Let God keep them
In love and blessing
Let there be more
Love and l draw
A heart around them
Saving
The mental picture
The imagery
That makes me smile

Life
Gives me more than I ask for
In my soul
I thank the world for each moment
This torrent
Sometimes is too strong
But at all times beautiful

And a river horse
Nobody sees but me
Her mane is light reflected
Light pure and innocent
She dances for me
She is my fantasy
She calls me
I know why she knows me
Her frame is fickle
Her hooves don’t echo
She’s out of this world

Life
Is for both young and old
I let my story be retold
I’m not a part of it
I watch my river horse
I see her muscles
I feel the grasses
She’s prancing on

[egonSchiele]

M'are

I saddle my river horse
Her invisible bridle
Is my childhood tears

But I wouldn’t ride her
We both would have none of it

I saddle my river horse
As a token
That I let her get it broken
But she’s free to stay with me

She will fight for me
If she loves me
But she’s free to go
If she wants it

Even a fantasy
I allow leaving me
Even in fantasy
I love, so I make what I love free

And she puts her head down
Her eyes are big and warming me
I hide in her, my watery fantasy
She’ll never scold nor frown at me
Her love is not punishing

She will protect me from
Everyone harming me