Author Topic: How About Poetry???  (Read 608359 times)

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3420 on: November 12, 2020, 12:17:39 »
***

Walking down
The memory lane
I've arrived into
My love story

How I raved about you
About the dream I felt could come true
And my anxious words
And the dried withered rose
And the ladders and thorns
And the poetry
And my music was born
From the way I was torn
Between feelings and what I was suppos'd to be

Down the memory lane
Yes, my love stays the same
Sparkling, radiant, pure
As it was my first
And its romance was all
That I needed to fall
Into pleasant and magical reverie
Of the day when we could
Meet somehow and it would
Be the moment of truth, end of loneliness

How you would smile at me
And I would feel at ease
Safe enough to exhibit my confidence
In my hope and my love
And that we could just talk
I would take your hand and keep you close to me
How we could have a walk
And dissolve all the fears
And our path would be one for eternity
And I wanted you near
But right now it's a tear
Sliding down my cheek as a testimony

And what should I do now
With the time that has passed
With the ugly edges, words, and the brokenness
Of my oaths and ties, and above all -- the lies
Or just real life that was too much for me?
I step back from this view, yes, of course
I love you, but which you is the one that I know in you?
What is going to come? There is no point to run
Anywhere, all I want is to stay in peace
And just watch all the things, 'cause the memories sting
If I try to simply forget of this
And I wanted to trust, I still want to believe
It is hard to let go when your soul learned this bliss
And I don't want to kill any part of me
But it's getting so dark, and I have to resist
All the coldness and fears, and I'm tired of my tears
And I can only watch, and I don't want to touch
All these memories -- because they make me bleed

So I take a step back

Down the memory lane
Yes, my love stays the same
Sparkling, radiant, pure
As it was my first
And its romance was all
That I needed to fall
Into pleasant and magical reverie
Of the day when we could
Meet somehow and it would
Be the moment of truth, end of loneliness
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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Antw:How About Poetry???
« Reply #3421 on: November 13, 2020, 14:45:24 »
***
You were love to me
Calling softly
From within my soul

All those years ago

You meant love to me
All the languid fire
All the first desire
All these blooming things

Shattered apiece
When I saw in you
How they may be untrue
In your distance
In your preference
Shown by your search
In others of what I had ready
To offer

To give you

I wanted to love only you

I could never let go
Of the dream of me and you
Of the faithful you, of the real you
Of the true you, even if conflicted
Even if difficult, but someone who
Could be with me, choose to be with me
Above chasing after other things

Someone who could feel me
Could get to know me
Could get known by me

And I waited with my offer
Hoping you would notice
See it clearly, that I love you dearly
Still, that you could be with me
I could be with you, if only you could
Really
Choose us two

in words and actions

You were love to me
Calling softly
From within my soul

All those years ago

All those years ago
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3422 on: November 14, 2020, 11:20:20 »
***
And I feel like
I let you down
Chaz

I know it wasn't me
T'was your past
T'was your world
Chaz

Who the hell was I to you?
What could I even do?
Nothing

Maybe now I can do
Something
For others like you
And me
Though putting us on one level
Makes me shudder in fear
Chaz, what you lived through
A fraction of it
Would've been enough to kill
Me

Chaz
When I close my eyes
I see you
How you held your body
A frozen melody
Of someone half-here
Half-there, half-through

Sometimes you say goodbye
Sometimes you just keep sayin'
It stays within, it will always stay
Chaz
You're forever a part of me
Let me keep your legacy
Remind me of how things can be
How inner hell can co-exist with everything
Else and never look like it
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3423 on: November 14, 2020, 15:03:29 »
***
Your voice was so strong
Karen
Flowing so easily
Pure radiance
Of sound

But you weren't the son
Couldn't ever be number one
For your mom

-- Tell her that you love her
-- Karen, of course I love you, for God's sake!
-- And you, ma'am?
-- I'm from the North. We don't do this. I won't say it


How did it feel to you, the woman I never knew
To find her slim body in her room
With the unloved heart that simply stopped
Beating? Was it hard
Or did it also go by not really noticed
Within your armored demeanor?
How did it feel like, what is the honor
In all that?

Your voice was so strong
Karen
Flowing so easily
As if life was no effort
As if you didn't carry a monster
An agony of no end in sight
Where some hold a loving light

Karen
I don't believe in hell anymore
It can be both on this earth I
I just wish things were kinder
Kinder, gentler
Saner
For us all

Karen
I believe in some light in the Beyond
May it give love to all the unloved
Daughters and sons, all the broken
Children of this world, I can't ask God
Why, I can only pray I
Can hope it can change
Somehow, somewhen
Somehow, somewhen
Somewhen
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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Antw:How About Poetry???
« Reply #3424 on: November 15, 2020, 11:46:26 »
***
I'm looking at the river waters
How they
Hug the shores, gently
Nibbling off the unbound earth
Taking bits of it away
A hello to somewhere
Down there

And everything visual has its own rhythm
Tone and melody
Life is music even when it's inanimate
Isn't it splendid?
How everything is reflected, repeated
Mirrored, and yet slowly evolving
And sometimes drastically changed?

But nothing is truly sudden
If we could hear the pattern
In its entirety
But we're too short-lived for that

Maybe God is just music
And each soul is an instrument
And we simply form one choir
With everything around us?
Do we conduct it? I don't know
But maybe we're obliged to tune
Our own instrument
For the sake of ourselves and everything

Real life is also made of suffering
It just happens, it's a part of it
All the pain of your friend's heart
Breaking over a malformed newborn
Of someone you know losing their father due to
A virus putting the world on hold except
Those parts where a friend of your friend
Has recently died in a local war

I breathe in the air, I am calm
I am calm for I know the price of drama
Who can I help if I let my emotions run amok?
The world needs more people who can hold still
And stand through the cruelty that we don't want to notice
In our own hearts, too, sometimes

I'm looking at the river waters
How they
Hug the shores, gently
Nibbling off the unbound earth
Taking bits of it away
A hello to somewhere
Down there

And I don't ask God why all this misery happens
For I don't want to know the answer, it just is
As is, but I don't agree with those saying we
Have no power over things, that with prayer
We can fix everything, if we're children of God
We are destined to grow up, as all children are
To learn to help ourselves, and I wish I could say
This to my friend but he's grieving and I shut up
I can't help what has happened, and maybe this is why Lord
Tells us to give Him our sorrows, for sometimes
There's nothing to do, everything is done but
But I always doubt things were planned to be like that

Maybe God is just music
And each soul is an instrument
And we simply form one choir
With everything around us?
Do we conduct it? I don't know
But maybe we're obliged to tune
Our own instrument
For the sake of ourselves and everything
Here, in this world
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3425 on: November 16, 2020, 09:58:57 »
***
I'm watching how leaves are
Twirling
Twirling in the sunlit air of November
And I follow each oak branch silhouette
With my very soul

I am forming yet another set of
Beautiful pearls of memories
I wish you could be with me
Be a part of them by
Holding my hand, or just sitting
Close to me

But the leaves are
Twirling
Silently pirouetting
Through the fabric of
Sunlit November time

Only ducks and drakes are
My true company
Maybe Nature, and Beauty
God, probably, too

I maybe am not lonely

The leaves are twirling
Twirling
Falling onto the placid surface
Of a little pond

Sometimes people that you love
Aren't a part of your life
Sometimes they think they love you
They maybe even tell this to others
And you're left with these feelings
These questions of
Does it feel like love? Do I ask too much?

But only the twirling leaves
And the sunlight, and annoyed drakes
And the whimsicality of oak tree branches
Are your answer
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3426 on: November 29, 2020, 22:02:30 »
***
Mother
I don't know how it was for you
How painful the struggle
Was for you, all I wish it was another
Kinder world that you were brought into

Mother
I truly love you
You and your states aren't one, Mom
It wasn't your hate that wished I was dead
It wasn't you
It was what happened to you

Mother
I don't know what to do
But I truly love you
And remember the loving you
I recall you loving me now, too

Mother
I wish I knew what to do
Mom, I hope that you know that I
Despite everything I
I love you

Mom
I know you were loving me
Tried your best, the best you knew
Mom, I love you
I know you are loving me
Too
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3427 on: December 01, 2020, 18:10:12 »
***
All these little veins
Thin-skinned quite literally
Are like branches of trees
Colored into violet with
The setting sun

There is nowhere to run
What exists, exists
I have seen what I've seen
I've been where I've been

My body remembers each scene
I thought I erased from within
Daring to go into this darkness
Maybe it's not as dark as I'm blindfolded
With tears
Daring to go into this darkness
Is painful but how can a soul hurt?
I just hope I wouldn't break
Down completely

To accept the unacceptable
And what should I do with all this pity
How my heart breaks for everyone
And what should I do with all this empathy
And my mind that scares me at each step
When it sees even a shade of a similar story?

All these little veins
Thin-skinned quite literally
It is easy to break me
Did my blood make others cheer?
It's a fight without a clear frontier
It's a war for the future of those who aren't born yet
Who I maybe will carry within
One day

It's a war for the sake of those
I would be able to help someday

All these tears
For so many years
And it will become clear
It has to, but I'm just not there yet
I'm treading this darkness
Sometimes I'm scared it has no end
I have to take my life's thread
From the Norns' hands

All these little veins
Thin-skinned quite literally
Are like branches of trees
Colored into violet with
The setting sun

There is nowhere to run
What was done, was done
To me and to others
There is nowhere to run
I must walk
Through this darkness

All these little veins
Thin-skinned quite literally
Are like little creeks of blood
I see them run up to the very tips
Of my fingers
In a way, all I come in touch with, flows
Straight into my heart
« Last Edit: December 01, 2020, 18:12:54 by egonSchiele »
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3428 on: December 02, 2020, 10:44:29 »
***
Helplessness
Truly helpless

How does it feel?

I feel helpless

The past like sand
Streams through my hands
Clutched tightly but still it seeps
Through because it is unreal
I feel my self leaving my body
It's a silence with nothingness
Like air
To be breathed in

It must be fear

I feel nothing

How does it feel?

I feel like non-existence
Could feel if thrown into a body
With all its senses
Were it able to cry

I truly could do nothing
This hurts even more
Nothing, nothing, nothing
Not a single thing
I feel anger at all those who demanded me
To be strong and go from this memory

Burn in hell

But maybe they're burning anyway
They may simply avoid seeing it

How does it feel?

I feel pity
This is unfair

Was life ever fair to anyone?
I ask myself

Go on, go on
I was asked so many a time
Go on

Where to? It's so similar anyway
You bring your own hell with you
Omnia mea mecum porto
Because it's not a material
Tangible thing

I wanted to scream
But my voice was swallowed
By my frightened body

How does it feel?

I feel like a crust of nothing
Gives in to the pain
Of helplessness
Of betrayal
Of fear of life
Of people

The world is dangerous
People suddenly change
They attack you and don't remember
Could it be you're crazy?
Could it be you have invented
This all to hurt your loved ones?

Aren't you a bad girl?
Maybe you're just a bad girl?
Maybe you need to be punished
To restore the peaceful feeling
Of having some control
Over things?

How does it feel?

I feel like falling
And I feel like I'm falling deep into
Into my darkness
I must be a terrible person
Ugly, undeserving
Crazy, maybe?
I deserved this by breathing
Even my breathing hurts others

Don't I deserve death?
Would it be peaceful?

How does it feel?

I feel hurt
So hurt
It wasn't my fault
Nothing of it was
It's hard to trust
Even myself saying this
Phrase

It must have been hard to live in that

The world is dangerous
People suddenly change
They may attack you and don't remember
Could it be you're crazy?
Could it be you did something
You don't remember?
Stay vigilant of yourself
Mind your step
Don't rely on your understanding
You see the world in strange ways

It must have been hard to live in that

What is life?
What is real?

How does it feel?

I lament the past
I resist accepting
How helpless I were
I fear accepting
I know I have to move on
There's still so much hurt
I'm so scared of the world
There are people who can act
This way as I know from the past
And who of us is real?

It must be difficult to accept that

I feel like a bomb of hurt is ready to explode
Within my very soul
I'm scared to lose control and just sob
Inconsolably, uncontrollably, on this very floor
Like Alice produce a whole flood of tears
And be scared to drown in it

I have to traverse my own dark Wonderland
To pick apart the truth from the false
View of the entire world

You don't have to rush with it
Give yourself time

How are you feeling right now?


I'm scared I will never
Stop crying

I want to hope
Things will be fine
« Last Edit: December 02, 2020, 10:46:36 by egonSchiele »
When things go bad -- do something good.

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Antw:How About Poetry???
« Reply #3429 on: December 03, 2020, 01:24:27 »
***
And what do you say
Where do you go
When you realize

What you wanted
What you needed
Couldn't have been given

And there's no one to blame

And what do you say
Where do you go
When you understand

That it's not lost yet
And yet something is lost forever

The hope that it could have been
Something else than what it was
That this anger could have been directed
At someone
But the one you directed it at needed
Help, and there was nothing you could do

This grief runs
Deeper than my bones
It is unfair but
What was done was done
Before I was born

What I wanted
What I needed
Couldn't have been given

And there's no one to blame

Only hope that they can heal
That they can see

Only hope

And helplessness

Strange, how both start
With h...
Just like hate

Hate
I never could truly hate
Now I see
Now I understand
Myself

But

What do you say
Where do you go
When you realize

What you wanted
What you needed
Couldn't have been given

And there's no one to blame
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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« Reply #3430 on: December 06, 2020, 18:14:04 »
***
And it all becomes
So clear
And logical

All the things that scare me
And above all
You're guilty of the monstrous form
I become


You're guilty
You're this powerful
To turn someone into a monster
A monster
You must be a monster


You're a monster
How can you do this to me?
You hurt me, you hurt me
You hurt me
When you withdraw
You hurt me


All these claws in my soul
That you saw
Are the ones that you put through
And they stuck
And I know you want to
Disavow me
When you fear I'll reject you
And I know you want to
Be loved by me
And you fear I'll reject you

All the things that scare me
And above all
You're guilty of the pain
I suffer from


Which makes me want to die

I see so much sense in them now
And I know how to calm you
Down

But

I don't know
I feel like I don't know
My mind still sends signals of imminent danger
So I want to hide in the marrow of my own bones
From the world, I feel scared of being torn
Or tearing someone to shreds
Just by existing

But maybe this all will go
Maybe it all will go
Maybe my life will be calm

I can't wait for it
« Last Edit: December 06, 2020, 18:18:26 by egonSchiele »
When things go bad -- do something good.

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« Reply #3431 on: December 11, 2020, 23:48:51 »
***
Faster, higher
Better, smarter


Who are you?

You must be excellent at something
Really good at other things
But strive for excellence
You must strive for it
Always strive for it


If I'm not exceptional in something
There's no interest in me, right?
I don't really exist for you.
As easy as that.

Why do you always have to speak up
Of what should better be left unspoken?
You're either too dumb or too smart
Why do you insist?
The truth leaves you broken


Faster, higher
Better, smarter


You must be properly fed
To keep on striving
For excellence
Properly groomed
To look the part
Of our excellence
And do not forget
It's hard to get here, easy to lose
Your chance at


At what? Is greatness
Being renown, known, famous
Lauded, is that all there is to strive for?

I prefer staying in the darkness
Where I can
What is there, really?
What else is there?
What all this is for?

Excellence
Excellence
The impeccable shining light of
Pure excellence


***
And I ask myself
If not for the flowers
The trees
The lakes and rivers
And the clouds

And my future godmother's
Kind openness

And the soul softness
That led me to her

Would I have stayed here
Or would I have jumped
Out on that day
When I felt like I was a bird
And like a bird trapped

If not for the world's beauty
If not for kindness and empathy
What would be the point
Of staying alive?

***
And I want to talk to you
To charm you out of your scary world
To calm you down

And I know

Its your entire world one needs to destroy
And rebuild anew
How you see it

And you don't even hear me
Worse, you're scared of me

Mother...

And maybe you will have to face all
That was done to you

And what you did, too

And if I speak of it
I will scare and confuse you

But I love you
Shouldn't I do
Do something to help you?

Maybe there is another way?
Isn't it always
More than one way?

Isn't there a way?..

My grief is
Overflowing my soul

***
Down the memory lane
And this passage is lighted up now
But I feel like I
Have no clue what to do

Am I failing my life?

Down the memory lane
I see a child skating
On the ice rink, her father
Is recording her and so in a glimpse I see
The very window I looked out from
Since I was a child

The one that cooled my brow
In the nights I watched the moon
Dreaming of love

Am I failing my life?

What was true?


Down the memory lane
And this passage is lighted up now
But I feel like I
Have no clue what to do

In my memory, I walk
The same ice-covered road
And the flute starts playing
It was the soundtrack of my life
Of my hope
Of my dream of something steady
And fulfilling, for once

Something nobody can take away
From me
It was my love

All the things that I was thrown into
Never allowed to voice my distress
Always demanded to be happy and lie
Lie to myself that it was me
Lie to myself that pain is not painful
That others should never see it and if
They see and dismiss it, they must be correct
It's just me, only me, who doesn't
Who somehow fails being happy

Who's a misfit

Who's not from this very reality

Down the memory lane
I see things so tiny
They seemed so big years ago
And yet it's a tapestry
An almost tangible cobweb of memory
I can feel it
I can feel how I felt all those years
Ago

Down the memory lane
And this passage is lighted up now
But I feel like I
Have no clue what to do

But I never knew
Nobody knew, too
I understand myself, finally
All the pain and dread
Why I still fear being mad
Sometimes

Down the memory lane
And I need to sort all this memory out
Somehow

And I needed my love
To be stable, uncomplicated
In all this hurricanic landslides realm
I lived in

And when I felt that for my love,
Too, I was difficult
That the unreal could be real
And yet it wasn't me
It wasn't possible
My last stronghold fell, and
I went on a quest for finding
What is real in this world
And how it works

And who I am

Down the memory lane
And this passage is lighted up now
But I feel like I
Have no clue what to do

Am I failing my life?

Or would it have been a failure
If I never learned the truth?

Down the memory lane
I keep walking and learning
What was and wasn't really true
« Last Edit: December 11, 2020, 23:54:32 by egonSchiele »
When things go bad -- do something good.

egonSchiele Offline 00

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Antw:How About Poetry???
« Reply #3432 on: December 13, 2020, 11:01:33 »
***
Talented, gifted
Gifted, talented

You have to
You must
You have to

Develop, shine
Shine, develop
Into someone

Be someone
To look up to

Because you are
Talented, gifted
Gifted, talented

You have to
You must
Don't disappoint us
You have to
You must

You have to
You must
You must

Your talents oblige you
You have to
You must

Don't disappoint us
Be someone
To look up to

Be someone, become someone

You have to
You are
Talented, gifted

Gifted, talented

Sometimes you want to bury your talents
So nobody makes them your chains
When things go bad -- do something good.

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« Reply #3433 on: December 16, 2020, 08:20:17 »
***
Each night
I wake up with a fever
What am I dreaming of?
What am I seeing?

What is happening?

Sometimes I gently poke
Some deep-seated memory
It hurts so much
I'm feeling how I'm disappearing
From my own body

Like a balloon attached
By a few thin threads
They're thinning and thinning
Away

I feel how my own skin
Becomes a silhouette
Detaching from me

It all starts with
Do I feel what I feel
Or do I feel what you say
What you act like
I feel?


Their emotions seem so true
So strong
It must be
I'm the one who did something wrong
It must be...

Is my heart stopping then?
Or am I simply fainting?

Can you faint in your sleep?

Each day I ask myself
Can this dread pass?
Will I ever be free
From this fear of
Being seen

What if they see something bad in me
And hurt me?
What if they blame
Want to destroy me for not being
How they wanted?


Am I real?
Do I have to apologize
For how you think I feel?

It all starts with
Do I feel what I feel
Or do I feel what you say
What you act like
I feel?


You don't trust me
You don't believe my words
You don't believe it hurts
If you don't see it

But what if you simply don't
Want to see it?

To accept what it does
What it does to me

To accept how it makes me
Doubt I exist
In the same world

Doubt even
That your actions hurt

You act as if they couldn't

Doubt that I should exist

What is real?
Do I live?


Can you faint in your sleep?

Each night
I wake up with a fever
What am I dreaming of?
What am I seeing?
When things go bad -- do something good.

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« Reply #3434 on: December 18, 2020, 11:27:29 »
***
I must accept it

I don't want to
If I do, a beautiful dream
Will crash down

Will it bring me down, too?

I must accept
What I saw was real
But I don't want to

I run away from those memories
I want to warp them

Of her betraying me
Of him letting her do it
I know what I saw was true
What I was told was true, too

Because it fits
It fits these stories as only the truth
Can fit

I don't want to believe
In any of this
But then I can't trust
That I can see reality

That I myself am real
With all my feelings


I must accept it

I don't want to
If I do, a beautiful dream
Will crash down

Can I have another dream?
I must find another dream first
I feel lost
The past was never as bright
Or clear as you maybe
Want to remember it

As I wish it were

The future is vague
And I ask myself
Will my heart stand through another betrayal?

Am I betraying myself when I hope
When I believe that those
Who hurt me
Can change and give me love?

Can see me and really be with me

Something has to change
But maybe I can only
Change my own future
Stop wanting things that look like love
But only hurt
What I want
May never be possible to get
From those I love
And want to love
Me

I don't want to believe
Any of this
But then I can't trust
That I can see reality

I must accept it

I must accept it somehow

Can I have another dream?
I must find another dream first
I feel lost
I feel so lost
When things go bad -- do something good.