Author Topic: Don't know where to post this...  (Read 5950 times)

Arlishan Offline mx

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Don't know where to post this...
« on: June 13, 2012, 15:57:46 »
Ok, this is what happened: I attepted suicide a couple of days ago.
I had been struggling with the negative emotions until I had a break down.
September. September. September. That was my only reason to live. Then it felt so far away.
So I poured my Klonopin in a bottle of water and took all the olanzapine pills I had at home.
Combined they can be lethal. I went to see a couple of friends and while I was with them, I drank all of my meds.

Blackout.

Next thing I know is I'm on my bed.
Mum said they took me to three different hospitals until they fpun where to treat me. I don't know that whey did to me. Mum said they needed four adult persons to hold me in place to take blood for tests.
I feel clumsy, I can barely write this...t
The upper side of my wrists are covered in cuts and scratches I did to myself.

Just before taking all those meds, I made a video-suicide note adressed to Tilo and Anne. Mostly Tilo.

I can only keep thinking: give me something to believe in, give me someone I can trust.

Dear Ghost, give me a signal.

lacrima_mosanium Offline pl

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« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2012, 17:05:23 »
It's always hard to find any words of comfort for people who attempted suicide. It's almost impossible, they have to find something to live for and no one can do it for them. I'm new here but when I read what you wrote I thought that I can't just stay silent. If you wrote something so personal here this means you trust people in this community, like if you were screaming for help...

All I can say to you is that one of my best friends was struggling with the very same problem 7 years ago. He's also a Lacrimosa fan, always saying that music is one of those few things that keep him alive. But one day he just gave up. Always had problems with his family, his parents are divorced, his father was an alcoholic but mother is actually no better. There was no big event in his life that made him take around 50 different pills that exact day. Everything was accumulating in his mind for a long time, brick after brick. I didn't know him at that time, we met one year after that but he decided to reveal this secret to me 2 years ago. I was in deep shock... I would never thought he could... I mean, a person that I know is completely different from the person before this suicide attempt. Full of energy to live, new ideas, new plans.

I don't know what kind of problems and thoughts you're dealing with but there has to be someone and something that's worth living. Family, friends...? Weren't they devastated when they found you lying lifeless on the floor? If you succeeded wouldn't they cry on your funeral and ask: why? We never realized he was miserable, that he needed help. Live for the music, live for the people that care for you. Look outside and see that life is beautiful.

This song really helps me when I'm sad. Listen to the lyrics, maybe they're about you...
Sixx:A.M. - Life is Beautiful


That's all I can do. I don't know if these words helped you in any way. I can only hope they did... Be strong Arlishan!
"The mediator between head and hands must be the heart." - Thea von Harbou

Asphodel Offline ru

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« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2012, 17:22:32 »
Arlishan... I don't even know whether my post will be appropriate here... But if I don't write anything it will be even more wrong, so I'll write, although I don't really know what to write...

I felt so speechless and helpless reading you... Because all I can do for you is to write some words here...

hey, Arlishan, dark times are not forever, don't let them kill you and you will go out of this as a stronger person!.. But you have to NOT give up!.. I don't really know what are you facing in real life, what situations and people... But don't do this again!!.. Think about all the good things that you have in your life! Aren't there people who are less well off?.. Try to think about good things!
ok, I am on another continent, but I really want to express you my concern and support!
The world is big, you are not alone in this world... Life brings every one of us a lot of pain and disappointments, but there is also light and good things! Not only in September, but every day, just see them!.. Know what I discovered in my own life?.. After the time when everything seems black and desperate something good comes, and the sun will start to shine even if right now it seems impossible...
I want to read you more often and I would love it to be some positive things in future!
Warm hugs to you, Arlishan! Be well, friend!
« Last Edit: June 13, 2012, 17:26:15 by Asphodel »

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« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2012, 18:37:55 »
Ok, this is what happened: I attepted suicide a couple of days ago.
I had been struggling with the negative emotions until I had a break down.
September. September. September. That was my only reason to live. Then it felt so far away.
So I poured my Klonopin in a bottle of water and took all the olanzapine pills I had at home.
Combined they can be lethal. I went to see a couple of friends and while I was with them, I drank all of my meds.

Blackout.

Next thing I know is I'm on my bed.
Mum said they took me to three different hospitals until they fpun where to treat me. I don't know that whey did to me. Mum said they needed four adult persons to hold me in place to take blood for tests.
I feel clumsy, I can barely write this...t
The upper side of my wrists are covered in cuts and scratches I did to myself.

Just before taking all those meds, I made a video-suicide note adressed to Tilo and Anne. Mostly Tilo.

I can only keep thinking: give me something to believe in, give me someone I can trust.

Dear Ghost, give me a signal.


Sweety, do not surch in Tilo for you strength. You must find it in yourself and in your own life! And I am pretty sure, you can! :) Do you remember the fun we had with "Post your red questions project"?!  ;) That can only come from somebody who loves to enjoy life as well! :) ;) Learn to give a shit on people opions. Of whoever it comes. Love yourself! You have every reason for it! And be stronger and stronger...!!!! And stand up again my dear! Please! I send you much of my energy for it!!!!Hugs  my dear.

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2012, 19:24:38 »

Sweety, do not surch in Tilo for you strength. You must find it in yourself and in your own life! And I am pretty sure, you can! :)

amen to that  :)  everybody can  ;)


Mario, i sent you message as there were some things i couldn't say here ;) 
all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

A Elena Offline ro

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« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2012, 19:47:26 »
Oh, Arlishan, my dear, your words here made me fill so sad............... I'm veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery sorry to read them!!!! And I don't know what should I tell you, what could I tell you to help!!! But I can say I'm sending you so many good thoughts and so many hugs and I hope they'll make you fill a little bit better... Just be strong, my dear, and go on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Sweety, do not surch in Tilo for you strength. You must find it in yourself and in your own life! And I am pretty sure, you can! :)

I can't but totally agree!!!! YOU CAN!!!
Noch immer brennt in mir dein Licht

A Elena Offline ro

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« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2012, 20:24:43 »
( I don't know what I had wrong in my mind... but I wrote "fill" instead of "feel" and now I can't edit my post... :-[ ... sorry for my mistake!  :-[ )
Noch immer brennt in mir dein Licht

Fannie Offline mx

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« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2012, 01:10:39 »
Arlishan: please don't think again about suicide, because even the biggest problem,the biggest sadness aren't reasons to end with your life. I know that is hard understand this when you feel bad, but your life is the only thing that you have and depends of you make it easy or hard, don't let your happiness depend on what is around you, you have to find it in yourself.
also think about the people who loves you I'm sure that many people would miss you.
Is so sad for me know that someone is not happy with the life, but I hope that our comments makes you feel better. You can always count with me when you have problems  ;)
Remember: "suicide is the only mistake that you can't learn after commit it" and "if you want to die think about those who died without wishing"
enjoy your life and smile!!!  :D

Kitty Offline be

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« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2012, 08:48:49 »
Mario, I didn't know you were this deep in negativeness...but I'm happy that your attempt failed... There are no words that could possibly help you out of this, I know, but I'm gonna try anyway. Depression is a strange thing, the world around you doesn't reflect realistically in your mind and soul...the only thing you see are the things that go wrong, the negative of other people, the failures you make (for as far failures exist) and it goes on and on till you have no power less to fight all this negative that is building up in your soul... in your case I can imagine what triggered your collaps of power...but one thing you gotta know, Mario, this strength, this power is still there! You lost the feeling and the connection with it, but it's still there and I'm sure you can find it back and am sure that you can take the road away from the sad feelings again (even if perhaps right now you don't feel like that's ever possible again)... believe in yourself nonetheless! And talk talk talk talk...can't tell you enough to just talk about what's happening in your world, it will truly avoid you from trying again; only in this way you get to see the viscious circle of thoughts which is doing this to you and you can break this. If you love this band so much, why take your life?? You wouldn't be able to hear all the good stuff they produce in future! never see them life again... never feel connected on lacrinights again... if they're one of the reasons you live and you find the power inside you, isn't it worth living for, isn't it worth keep fighting for? But try realising it's not them who gives you the power and the strength, it is you yourself who gives you this power because you love, you have a passion and you want to live this passion... and I'm sure that this is not the only passion you have...but it's one and it gives you strength! Now I'm not saying what road you have to take, I know how allergic someone who's depressed is for "musts" and "good advice with a connotation of, head up" ... I'm just trying to show you, what you have inside of you and that is a real big love, and love is stronger than any depression on the long run ;) You finally got the chance to live the life you wanted so badly, to finally be yourself, to finally get rid of the body that doesn't belong to you... and that is something you can believe in and your best friend Arlishan, is a body that functions as YOU want it and that cooperates with you ;) ... no Tilo's and Anne's can tell you what you have to do, where you have to find your strength, where you have to find belief...cause it's all inside of YOU...just like all things I want to do, where my strength lies, my beliefs lay inside of myself... And my doctor, who didn't really treat me he just offered me visiting a profi, he told me to at least try listening this song "I can do it" from the Rubettes. At first I was sceptical, didn't even listen it fully... but at this very moment, I'm at a point where this rhytm together with singing along "I can do it" gives me this connection with my inner strength ;) I just give it as an offer, cannot harm :)
Rubettes - I can do it 1975


You got many many friends who're behind you and ready to listen to you... if you feel like talking...if you feel like crying... if you feel like being angry... if you feel like dying... dead is a very definite end but whether it'll solve your problems? What makes you so sure of that?
When you can dream it, you can do it!

Felisa Offline ru

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« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2012, 13:58:23 »
Mario, sorry for my sharpness, but believe me  - "suicide"  is most stupid way to attract anyone's attention. As I understand it wasn't a really wish to end your live. It was just a scream for help. I understand it. It all very familiar to me - friends, pills, suicide try. But I was lucky and it came to me nearby death - there is no needs to find your end. Only one things in this world is irreversibly - it is death. You think you have no strength to live - but it isn't true. You have it. Look deep inside you, watch until you find it. There are a whole world around you, with billions opportunities, with trillions ways. You could reach everything you want - with only one condition - you must be alive. You have a hard times? Ok, it's only your choice how to get it - make yourself stronger or loose everything. The first way is more interesting, isn't it?
Keep alive and you'll find a beautiful world!
 
A PROUD MEMBER OF GHOST FAMILY!

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« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2012, 14:14:58 »
Mario, your news are very bad, i've been shocked to read your post.
Of course, i hope our posts will help you wish not to do it ever again. But as has been said, i believe too that it's impossible for us, and i think, even for Lacrimosa members, to give you strength back, after how deep you've fallen into despair. Only you can find your strength back, so i just wish you very much to find it. Yes, life isn't easy every day, it's not an easy gift, but without it, there's no hope to get better. So please, take care of it! You can still change your idea about it, so don't spoil this chance that you might feel happy and carefree again!
Take good care of yourself and get better soon, and get back to us as quick as possible.
LacriWelt Minister of Free Dance

on_my_own_sky Offline ru

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« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2012, 19:23:30 »
LIFE IS A GIFT. THIS IS THE BIGGEST GIFT WE GET, AND IT NEVER HAPPENS TWICE.
APPRECIATE IT!
If you think that life is hard - it will be hard. If you think that life is great - IT IS.
~Minister of Optimism~

schwarze Seele Offline de

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« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2012, 21:38:33 »
@ Arlishan: I was very shocked and speachless as I read your words full of pain and emptyness. Don´t bring your own life to the end you have a lot of people they are on your side. Be strong !  :)
Grüße aus der Unterwelt.

Arlishan Offline mx

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« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2012, 04:37:47 »
Hey everyone. I'm here. Still here.
I thank you  for your words.
I cannot, simply cannot put into words what I'm feeling and thinking at the moment.
I just know. I have seen perfection in two different shapes. For both, it's hurtful to end.

Kitty Offline be

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« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2012, 07:52:33 »
LIFE IS A GIFT. THIS IS THE BIGGEST GIFT WE GET, AND IT NEVER HAPPENS TWICE.
APPRECIATE IT!
If you think that life is hard - it will be hard. If you think that life is great - IT IS.

+1



Arlishan there is no perfection on this planet as long as you don't accept things the way they are... in your case you fought for what you could accept and I think that's wonderful that you chase your dreams!  look deep in your heart and you'll see you already gained a lot of things you chased... and new dreams can only develop out of things you let go... my dream was to become a scientist back then, my world kinda collapsed when I realised that the study was just too rough and tough for me, I've been holding my head down being convinced I'd never make something out of my life... but I did find another dream, the dream of having a diploma so I could find a steady job and ground a family as that became my absolute dream after I let go of all the rest... as Nadya expressed, life is truly what you make from it and what you make from it already starts in your head...and that's not a blame, that's a remark from someone who only found that out herself recently by reading a book that inspired her ;) You still live, see it as a sign that your time hasn't come yet ... and keep in mind that nothing, but really nothing is impossible!
When you can dream it, you can do it!