How About Poetry???

[Kitty]

It's a lie that time heals all wounds
sometimes it cuts open what tenderly closed
recalling hurts and never fits in
the more memories I have of you
the more I hate this life for taking you away
stop the time, I want to be here now
enjoying the moment
the laughter guided through space
it's a lie that words bring hope
sometimes they despair
unspoken even harder
it's never ok to remain silence
but I accept your silence
breaking the illusion of time
I told you though that time you asked
if everything was okay with me
I thought you cared,
I know what I know is right
you'll have your reasons for having descended
just know
you should never take for granted.

[Kitty]

Du weisst was ich brauche
du weisst wie ich fühle
jede Träne herausgespürt
vom Herz bis zum Auge
du kennst die Wörter
die mich auf die Zunge liegen
ich doch nicht sprechen kann
Du weisst einfach die Zartheit
kennst meine Seele auswendig
wie meine Froheit in Trauer zinkt
und du weisst wie du mein Lächeln wieder bringst
du kennst meine Schmerzen
noch vor sie ausbrechen
meine Wunden heilst du auf magischer Art
ich brauch nur hin zu schauen
somit du weisst was ich denke und ich weiss was du denkst
du kennst meine Liebe
und wie tief sie für dich strömt
alles habe ich hinter mich gelassen
um bei dir sein zu können
deine Frau zu werden
dich zu halten
jeden Tag erneut zum Tode verliebt
du bist meine kraft, mein Licht, Mein zweite Hälfte
die Liebe meines Lebens
bist du.

[egonSchiele]

St*l

We live as if we're made of steel
But deep within
Everyone can feel
How fickle everything is

We search for bliss
While falling into oblivion
Each heart cries for a union
With another
If just for a little while

Through the fire
Of mistakes and agony
We make-believe through life
As if we're made of steel
As if love means nothing
We are scared to give in
But cry for tenderness

Distract me with your carelessness
Let's dance through the cold wind
I don't know a thing
I want some lightheartedness

I'm not made of steel
I don't want my life spotless and clean
There's nothing in life you're not within

We are all carried in
The river of time
One day we'll be saying goodbye
To everyone

[egonSchiele]

Grey morning 
I look into this grey morning 
I recall the mornings of spring
And summer 
I wanted to share with you 
The sunshine I basked in
The birdsong
 
Soon trees will be praying 
In the empty sky
Surrounded 
By the dead words
Of summer 

What would happen
What would not happen 
Remains unknown

And it is better 
I can’t put the puzzle of the past together 
My heart loves
My soul trusts 

You and the story remain 
Unknown, strange 
I’m scared you will hurt
You will hurt me again
And blame me for withdrawing 
From the pain

You 
On that day
It was a white day
And it was white within me
White and cold
So white
It was winter 

I hoped 
And I had words
I was curious
What could it be
How could it sound

Strange
You’re speaking of winter
As of the end 
That winter 
Within and without 
Both you and me
Was the beginning 
As I know it

The broken glass city
It shines mercilessly 
It’s so bright as if sand is
Under my eyelids 
The tighter I shut them
The brighter it gets 
Yet warmer and thicker 

Can you cry blood?

Or can your blood cry?

The smashed glass 
Of my illusions 
Is the marrow of my bones
You wonder why I laugh when I’m hurt
I wonder how can you avoid 
Laughing if you see
If you know
The setting 

It’s upsetting 
In its banal hilarity
My laughter saves my sanity
My heart knows how to dance agony
My lips smile
Readily

It is invisible anyway 
The suffering of the one unseen
Is invisible in its transparent sheen
Nothing is happening 
In nothing  

You learn to keep silent 
There’s no sense in speaking 
The truth will make them hurt you more

And you wait, yes, you wait
You wait silently
For a day when your hand finally 
Clutches some turf as you fall
Thrown 
Into the underworld
By those who speak words of love

And it shines
It shines mercilessly 
For I don’t want to see
Anything 
Neither within 
Nor without me

Everything has a cause
I want to be like those
Who were killing me
Willingly 

I want to be
Blind, so I have no remorse
So I don’t search 
What if I was the cause 
Of someone’s suffering  

But I’m crying 
And I keep asking 

Please, forgive me
For speaking 
It makes me visible 
You feel imperfect 
It’s disturbing 
Your peace

Can you cry blood?

Or can your blood cry?

Is there a difference?

It shines around me
The city of glass is smashed
The light shimmers off the shards
And shines mercilessly  

Music 
Music gets born
I can’t help it
Music gets born 
From within me 

I have no control 
I must let it go
I’m a violin 
Or it’s a flute within?..

If I try breaking free 
I can’t find a place
My mind runs in a race
My heart follows rhythms
I want to be less dramatic
I wish it was more schematic 
Less opaque and dynamic
Less destroying me 
With its pain and its beauty 

If I try breaking free
I become someone else
But all peace crushes apiece
Music will never end

[egonSchiele]

***
The rhythm of my heart
Is broken

Now all is spoken

My pain is real

I wish I could exaggerate
I wish it wasn't affecting me physically
I wish I could lie about it

The rhythm of my heart
Is broken
It goes like this:
Ta-da-di-da-da
And then it hits
From the inside
I realize
Suddenly
How big it is

Nobody cares about the engine
Until it starts breaking down

I feel as if hanging in the air
For that brief scary second

I remember, yes, it happened
It happened to me before

I remember the pills
And the winter
And the snow-covered cedars

And the friendship
That carried me through

And I must stop thinking of you
And the past, and the present
And medicate
Myself

I wish I was made
Somehow differently

***
Tell me again
That you love me
Or that you want to love me

I’d like to believe in it
I so much want to believe

Tell me a lie
That it was nothing
That you never wanted to hurt me
Deliberately

That you never were killing me
Willingly

Tell me

I will believe any lie
I don’t want this connection to die
I can’t handle reality
I quickly forget
To preserve my sanity

Tell me
I never saw your hate
You never were like those
I fight against
Who see people as marionettes
In their plays

Tell me
I will believe you
I can’t handle reality
Can’t keep it all inside
I have to forget
To believe in humanity
To believe I can stay alive

Icarus

Step by step I climb
Onto the mountain
My wings will fail me
But not straight away

Step by step I climb
Onto the mountain
The highest mountain
To see what is there
There must be something
Else
 
Step by step
My skin hurts
The wings screech
The wind is biting into
My borrowed feathers

My life tethers
To the same source
As a candle flame

Step by step
The higher you get
The lighter it becomes

I soar
I soar up high
To the light and warmth
What’s down below
Is too small
To be kept in sight

My mind is lit
My body is falling
Into the ocean
As I become myth

[Kitty]

Everything is always good
the reason why not us to ask
what will be will be remember
if I could have foreseen the ending
I'd still take the path by your side
if I'd know the tears I'd cry for misunderstanding
I'd still be willingly to let our eyes kiss eternity
my soul and your soul connected through time
something bigger than a lifetime
it makes me cheer
the understanding that love binds over boundaries
earthly consequences of boundaries in our head
but our heart knows they're fake and we should forget
intuition calling me, drawing me to you
at night I dream of being haunted
it's what you told me, we can't run from ourselves, I remember
I recall every detail, every memory, every piece of love you offered
grateful I'll look forward to the next or overnext encounter
daily speaking, timeless spaceless carring
there's no day that passes without us.