Recent Posts

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91
Off-Topic / Antw:How About Poetry???
« Last post by Zeake_Asakura on May 26, 2019, 18:19:47 »
Hope this helps you to settle your relationships with mother in some way. Also thanks for your answer.
92
Off-Topic / Antw:TODAY'S WORD...
« Last post by egonSchiele on May 26, 2019, 12:01:24 »
Sunshine
93
Off-Topic / Antw:Thought in one line
« Last post by egonSchiele on May 26, 2019, 12:00:13 »
I'm so tired and I never understand why and how come.
94
Off-Topic / Antw:What has made u happy or miserable
« Last post by egonSchiele on May 26, 2019, 11:58:13 »
Happy: made some sound recordings of Russian traditional tune today and recorded everything from the first time with no doubles.
Miserable: it sounds like Anna Varney Cantodea drank a whole bottle of moonshine. My gothic half cannot make peace with my folk half.
It actually sounds like something pretty interesting :)

@Kitty you've been away for a while... hope everything's ok?

Happy: so yes, I was lucky. The last one became my precious... But next time I should keep in mind that mid-season stands for "all cool stuff is already gone".  ;D ;D ;D
Happy2: sunshine! Lots of sunshine!
Miserable: headache and the partying people ruining my sleep so *imagine a very, very angry owl with knives and pistols*  ;D
95
Off-Topic / Antw:How About Poetry???
« Last post by egonSchiele on May 26, 2019, 11:28:21 »
Fortunately nothing new lately :)
Btw the last poem (and some older ones) by you reminded me of Sopor Aeternus/Anna Varney's songs about his/her mother, but those were much more hateful.
Ok, I'll take it as a "because everything's fine" ;)
Mmm, thanks for mentioning, I actually didn't listen to her much since I was pulled off the gothic orbit (of course except Lacrimosa and a few others), now I'll do this (how could I forget it?..) Hate...it is such a complicated topic for me, to be honest. I experience it very rarely and in short glimpses and always feel ashamed afterward, and thus I'm sort of unsettled/scared seeing/hearing it coming from other people, but the music somehow allows for it without being scary (a mystery of mysteries to me still  ;D). And as Sopor Aeternus is always so graceful, I'm sure even hate can be transformed into a jewel by Anne Varney's soul and heart :) As for my mother and my poems... I don't hate her at all. Everyone has their reasons to be this way or that way, and I'm sure that a complicated relationship with a close one is complicated for both persons. I, at least, have the opportunity to somehow express it and thus be able to move on. And I have no idea how it was, is -- and above all, will be -- within her about this all. I don't believe it ever was really easy for her.
96
Off-Topic / Antw:What has made u happy or miserable
« Last post by Zeake_Asakura on May 25, 2019, 21:37:03 »
Happy: made some sound recordings of Russian traditional tune today and recorded everything from the first time with no doubles.
Miserable: it sounds like Anna Varney Cantodea drank a whole bottle of moonshine. My gothic half cannot make peace with my folk half.
97
Off-Topic / Antw:CONFESSION ROOM...
« Last post by Zeake_Asakura on May 25, 2019, 21:22:37 »
I confess I wanted to write something here but what? I forgot  :-\
98
Off-Topic / Antw:How About Poetry???
« Last post by Zeake_Asakura on May 25, 2019, 21:21:25 »
:D And I'd like to read more poems/lyrics from you, if possible? :)

Fortunately nothing new lately :)
Btw the last poem (and some older ones) by you reminded me of Sopor Aeternus/Anna Varney's songs about his/her mother, but those were much more hateful.
99
Off-Topic / Antw:Now and next Playing/What are you listen
« Last post by Zeake_Asakura on May 25, 2019, 21:17:57 »
Now: Toorama - Garojt' Maryatz
Next: Toorama - Matryan' Aldanyas'
100
Off-Topic / Antw:How About Poetry???
« Last post by egonSchiele on May 25, 2019, 18:06:48 »
***
Mother
Now you’re so far from me
I feel celebratory
I love you, mother
Please, stay away from me
It isn’t obligatory
To love me

Is there any hurt stronger
Is there any road longer
Than the one that took you
Away from me
Was it on the day I was born
I didn’t want to make you feel torn
Mother
Between love as a must
And hate as a natural impulse
I made you laugh
As a child
Through constant fight
With you I grew up
I had a strange mind
I still have it
You were ashamed
I understand
I tried to blend
In but always looked different
You praised me when it could bring
Some social dividend
Yet you never believed
It was imminent

You could support
But you quickly forgot
I needed it

A subject of ridicule
In my own family
A joke that is
Somehow respected
And befriended
By many
Nobody can tame me
But I love everyone
Even those hurting me
Like you
I value
That people can bear with me

Mother
Now you’re so far from me
I feel celebratory
I love you, mother
Please, stay away from me
It isn’t obligatory
To love me

And I don’t cry about you, mother
You taught me not to cry
I remember every hug, mother
I will remember till I die
Each one

You are always so official, mother
When dealing with me
Mother, it isn’t crucial
To praise people for liking me
Many strangers had to mother me
So I could live, finally

Mother
Now you’re so far from me
I feel celebratory
I love you, mother
Please, stay away from me
It isn’t obligatory
To love me

***
Why so desolate
Why so broken
So many were asking me
While I was rocking
My inner child to sleep
Without you, I couldn’t do it
In a sense
I am your child

My constant fight
With you — against myself
Against love itself
What was I fighting with?..
I’m still not entirely at ease
With the idea of you loving me
Not as a baby
Not as a crying soul that lost all control
Of her own spirit
Yet when I look into it
The feeling
I have is of being awake
As a woman
I desire
What I never allowed
Even thinking of

I sink deep into my love
Who you are to me
Is a sentence
I’m not questioning
My acceptance
Can’t be challenged now

I don’t know how
I have no idea
Yet you’re not that far
And I have no fear

Why so desolate
Why so broken
So many were asking me
While I was rocking
My inner child to sleep
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