Author Topic: it's a dog's life  (Read 2609 times)

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #45 on: November 05, 2016, 19:17:34 »
my dog: "my human, i come couch"
me: "my doggy, you're not allowed on couch"
my dog: "i sit your lap"
me: "sweetheart, wha... YOU FUNNY! I CAN'T BREATHE!"
my dog: "i no care you no can breathe, i want sit your belly i sit your belly"
me: "EEEEY! you're heavy, move please?!"
my dog: "i move"
me: "good boy"
my dog: "i sit your shoulder"
me: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! OUCH! YOU'RE HEAVY!"
my dog: "my ass up, your shoulder hold my ass"
me: "come on sweetheart, you know my shoulder is not the right place for you to sit"
my dog: "i no care. i want sit your shoulder, i sit your shoulder"
*10 seconds later*
my dog: "ah, you no comfortable. i go down"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #46 on: November 07, 2016, 12:21:08 »
my dog: "my human! you come from shop!"
me: "yes, i came back"
my dog: "what you buy for me?"
me: "nothing"
my dog: "why not... what this smell?"
me: "which smell?"
my dog: "wait, i smell. i need smell you"
my dog: "YOU TOUCH ANOTHER DOG!"
me: "yes, so what?"
my dog: "YOU NOT ALLOWED TOUCH ANOTHER DOG!"
me: "stop it! there's nothing wrong with touching other dogs, other people touch you as well and i'm not shouting"
my dog: "i no care other people touch me you no shout. you not allowed touch another dog"
me: "huh? instead of giving me a warm welcome, you're yelling at me?"
my dog: "WELCOOME HOME, CHEATER!"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #47 on: November 08, 2016, 18:41:27 »
my dog: "my human, you two eat"
me: "yes, sweetheart, and you are not allowed at the table at this time, you know that"
my dog: "i go my place"
me: "good boy"
my dog: "i good boy"
my dog: "i look you. you eat"
me: "yes, we're eating"
my dog: "i lick nose. i lick a lot"
my dog: "you eat. i good boy"
me: "mmmmm ... and? what do you want?"
my dog: "i nothing. i look you, you eat. i good boy. i no beg food"
me: "yeah, sure"
my dog: "i good boy"
*10 seconds later*
my dog: "my human, i here, i good"
my dog: "i good boy"
my dog: "i no beg food"
my dog: "I GOOD BOY! MY HUMAN! I GOOD BOY!!!"
me: "hahaha, yes you are a very good boy"
my dog: "i come. i good boy. oh, this smell so nice"
my dog: "I GOOD BOY!! it smell nice. i smell your mouth"
me: "ey! stop it"
my dog: "I GOOD BOY!!! GIVE FOOD, I GOOD BOY! I DESERVE!"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #48 on: November 09, 2016, 16:22:41 »
my dog: "i run! i so happy! i run!!!"
my dog: "oooo, i find stick with small stick!"
me: "ahahahah, that's a whole branch, not a stick"
my dog: "i no care branch, i say it stick it stick. i take"
me: "where are you dragging that, it's bigger than you"
my dog: "it no bigger"
me: "yes of course, look, it's half of a tree"
my dog: "it no half of tree. i drag where i want"
my dog: "i run i drag stick with stick"
my dog: "i drop stick with stick"
me: "now what?"
my dog: "i pee on stick with stick"
me: "oh my god, hahahah, no you didn't"
my dog: "what?"
me: "drag half of the tree all the way there just to pee on it"
my dog: "I PEE WHERE I WANT!"
my dog: "we play stick with stick now"
my dog: "i drag stick with stick"
my dog: "i drop"
me: "and?"
my dog: "ah, i need pee again. i pee on stick with stick"
my dog: "you no say something!"
me: "wh..."
my dog: "I PEE WHERE I WANT!"


an older photo of my boy

all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #49 on: November 17, 2016, 17:28:17 »
few days ago, at his sister
me: "come, sweet girl, i should pat you a little bit"
Enny: "my brothur human, i come"
my dog: "you no touch my sistur! YOU NO TOUCH MY SISTUR!"
me: "stop being jealous, she's not going to eat me"
my dog: "i no jealous, but you my human! you no tou..."
Enny: "my brothur human, i kiss you"
my dog: "YOU NO KISS MY HUMAN! YOU NO KISS!"
Enny: "my brothur, why you jealous?"
my dog: "I NO JEALOUS! BUT SHE MY HUMAN! YOU GO KISS YOUR HUMAN, SHE MINE!"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #50 on: December 03, 2016, 16:47:08 »
a week ago, preparing to go to my parents together with my boyfriend and, of course, my dog
my dog: "where go?"
me: "we're going to the vill..."
my dog: "I GO RUN! MY MEADOW!"
me: "we will see that"
my dog: "we no see, i go run, why see?"
me: "what if it's going to rain?"
my dog: "aaaaaah, shit. it rain i no run"
my dog: "when go?"
me: "soon, just let me wear my socks"
my dog: "you no wear sock, we go now"
me: "wait, i can't go barefoot"
me: "EY! LEAVE THAT!"
my dog: "i take sock, you no wear. we go now!"


at my parents'
my dog: "my human! where you hide, i search you?!"
me: "i didn't hide, i was only in another room"
my dog: "what do there? what do th... wait, what this smell?"
me: "what smell?"
my dog: "you smell differunt"
me: "errrm ... what?"
my dog: "you smell diff... CAT! YOU TOUCH CAT!!!"
me: "okay, so what? i love our Tommy"
my dog: "i no care love Tommy. you not allowed touch cat"
me: "huh? jealous?"
my dog: "YOU NOT ALLOWED TOUCH CAT! YOU NOT ALLOWED LOVE CAT!"
me: "come on, you little drama queen"
my dog: "I NO DRAMA QUEEN! I SAY YOU ONLY LOVE ME YOU ONLY LOVE ME!"
my dog: "YOU NO TOUCH CAT!"
my dog: "YOU NOT ALLOWED LOVE CAT!"
my dog: "NO CAT IN LIFE!"
*20 seconds later*
my dog: "NO LOVE CAT! ONLY LOVE ME!"


my dog: "my human, we go pee before sleep. i please"
me: "of course, sweetheart, like every night. don't worry"
my dog: "my human, i need pee now. i please"
me: "okay, wait, i should find something warm to wear"
my dog: "why warm wear, all year no warm wear, why now?"
me: "because it became cold"
my dog: "why cold?"
me: "it's 1am and it's winter, sweetheart"
my dog: "wintur. why no snow wintur?"
me: "it's still too warm for snow"
my dog: "you no need warm wear then!"
me: "ah yes, of course, how foolish of me, no? you silly"
my dog: "i no silly. i no need warm wear, why you need?"
me: "sweets, let's go pee, and stop asking the same questions each time we go out"
*outside*
me: "it's so cold, oh my god! hurry, please"
my dog: "i hurry, my human cold. my human freeze, hihi"
my dog: "okay, i done. we go back"
me: "good boy"
my dog: "i jump"
me: "ey, stop jumping in front of me"
my dog: "i no stop jump. i want jump i ju... OOOUUUUCH!"
me: "what?"
my dog: "YOU STAND ON PAW!"
me: "don't shout, you'll wake everyone up and we will have troubles"
my dog: "I NO CARE SLEEP TROUBLE, WHY YOU NO WATCH WHERE WALK?"
me: "i told you to stop jumping in front of me, i knew it would happen"
my dog: "I NO CARE YOU TELL! YOU NEED WATCH WHERE WALK!"


me: "walkies?"
my dog: "WALKIES! I GO WALKIES!!!!!"
me: "come on then"
my dog: "i so happy! i go walkies!"
my dog: "elevator quick, i go walkies"
my dog: "open do... MY GURLFRIEND! WHAT YOU DO IN ELEVATOR!"
Dreamy: "MY BOYFRIEND! I GO PEE I COME BACK!"
my dog: "my gurlfriend! i so happy we see!"
me: "okay sweetheart, we need to go"
my dog: "my gurlfriend come too"
me: "no, she cannot. she just came back. let's go"
my dog: "i no go, i stay with gurlfriend"
me: "GET IN!"
my dog: "i sad. i go i sad"
*in the elevator*
my dog: "DREAMYYYYY! YOU COME TOOOOOO!"
me: "you're a crybaby, you know that?"
my dog: "BUT MY GURLFRIEND! ELEVATOR UP!"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #51 on: December 29, 2016, 19:42:44 »
we were going to sleep in the evening, my dog was already sleeping by the bed. we were also in the bed and i was talking to my boyfriend, when suddenly ...
my dog: *a loooooong loud sigh*
my dog: "my human, no talk anymore. i sleep you wake up when talk. i need sleep"
me: "oh, really? tell me about it?"
my dog: "yas, i exhausted. i need sleep bad"
me: "hahaha"
my dog: "you no laugh me, i want sleep i sleep"
me: "okay okay, sleep, you grumpy"
my dog: "NO TALK ANYMORE! I SLEEP!"
later that night
my dog: "it 4 morning. i need drink. i drink a lot"
my dog: "i drink all water"
me: "eeeeey, you didn't drink for 2 years i guess? what's the use of drinking for half an hour straight?"
my dog: "BUT I NEED DRINK!"
my dog: "water gone"
me: "finally! i want to sleep, you woke me up"
my dog: "i no care wake up sleep. now i eat"
my dog: "oooooh, good food! i like this dry food"
me: *silently* "seriously?"
my dog: "i no eat all day"
my dog: "so good. i like a lot. i eat all"
me: "sweetheart, i will close the door, okay? i would really like to sleep"
my dog: "you no close door, we go pee now"


my dog: "my human, what you do?"
me: "i'm preparing the table for dinner"
my dog: "i too eat"
me: "listen! you're going to keep your nose away from this chicken, got it?"
my dog: "but i too like chickun"
me: "yes, i know, but this one is not yours, okay?"
my dog: "you put on big table, it tease me, move from small table"
me: "you're not going to tell me where we're going to eat. now move your nose away"
my dog: "okay, i move"
me: "good boy"
my dog: "my human. what this?"
me: "it's a glass of water"
my dog: "a glass of water. i thirsty"
me: "i changed your water 5 minutes ago, go and drink"
my dog: "i no feel"
me: "then stay thirsty. i'm going to the kitchen now, DON'T touch the chicken"
my dog: "okay, you go. i no touch chickun"
my dog: "oh my god, chickun smell nice"
my dog: "mmmmmm, i smell chickun from far"
me: "STAY AWAY FROM THE CHICKEN!"
my dog: "chickun smell nice! i love chickun!"
my dog: "i smell table"
my dog: "AH! GLASS OF WATER! i thirsty!"
my dog: "i drink from glass"
my dog: "i make flood on table"
me: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
my dog: "i say i thirsty but you no listen!"


me: sweetheart, come here
my dog: i come. what want?
me: lay down, i need your paw
my dog: ah no no no, you no clean my paw again
me: just a little bit, i need t...
my dog: i no care little bit. you no clean. i no like
me: sweetheart?
my dog: I HATE!
me: that's enough. give me your paw
my dog: you take alone, i no give
me: fine then
my dog: what in your hand? WHAT IN YOUR HAND? I NO LET TOUCH PAW!
my dog: you no answer, i know what this! you paint my paw! WHY YOU PAINT AGAIN!
my dog: MY HUMAN! NO PAINT PAW! WHY PAINT PAW?!
me: sweets, hold on a little bit, i need it
my dog: WHAT YOU DO?! NO PUSH PAW ON PAPER!
my dog: I SAY NO PUSH PAW ON PAPER! ENOUGH!
me: sweetheart, i need you paw print
my dog: i no care need poop print, you no take poop print
me: it's a paw print, you silly
my dog: i no care paw print. paw print poop print all the same! YOU NO TAKE PAW! YOU NO PAINT! YOU NO PUSH ON PAPER! I HATE!
my dog: PAW MINE! PAW NO YOURS! MY HUMAN! LEAVE! NO POOP PRINT!


trying to make some nice christmas themed photos with my dog
me: please, don't move
my dog: why no move? again you take photo, i no want take photo
me: staaaaay
my dog: i no take photo. i no pose. STICK! I FIND STICK!
me: sweetheart? pleeeaaaase? here, i have something for you
my dog: you no lie me. you no ha... AAAA, SALAMI! GIVE!
me: pose?
my dog: i pose. give salami
me: good boy. now stay like this, don't m... EEEEY!
my dog: i play stick
my dog: i hold sti... AAAAA!!! WHY YOU WEAR THIS SHIT ON ME?!
me: what shit?
my dog: rollover
me: you mean pullover?
my dog: pullover rollover, it still on me. take off. TAKE OFF!
me: first pose and then i will take it off, i promise
my dog: i no care you promase, you always promase you never take. you only take after hour
me: please? just a few photos
my dog: give salami
me: i don't have anymore
my dog: NO POSE! I HATE POSE CAMARA! I NO POSE! GIVE SALAMI I POSE
my dog: NO SALAMI NO POSE CAMARA! I HATE!
my dog: TAKE OFF ROLLOVER ALSO! NO PHOTO ANYMORE!


my dog: "finally you come! where gone?"
me: "i was shop..."
my dog: "FOR ME!"
me: "yes, also"
my dog: "for m... what this? yuck, it stink bad"
me: "it's a bed. fo..."
my dog: "AGAIN NEW BED FOR ME?!"
me: "exactly"
my dog: "but why? i have bed, i no need new bed"
me: "it's fucked up. there's no use in that bed anymore"
my dog: "i no care. i no want new bed. i love old. new no stink like me"
me: "but this old bed you have was also new once, and you also hated it at the beginning"
my dog: "I NO CARE! I NO WANT NEW BED! I SLEEP IN OLD! YOU NO TAKE MY OLD BED! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
me: "oh come oooon, you'll get used to it"
my dog: "I NO WANT! WHERE YOU TAKE OLD BED?! LEAVE!"
my dog: "YOU NO LEAVE I TAKE! I SLEEP IN OLD BED!"
me: "ey, that's not the place for any of your beds"
my dog: "I NO CARE! I SLEEP WHERE I WANT! I SLEEP IN OLD BED!"
my dog: "NO NEW BED! I HATE!"
my dog: "IT STINK BAD! NO STINK LIKE ME!"
my dog: "THROW GARBAGE! I NO WANT!"
my dog: "old bed! i kiss. i love you! you stay with me, i no want new"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #52 on: January 02, 2017, 13:16:44 »
out for a walk across the meadows, he's running after his frisbee
my dog: "I RUN! I SO HAPPY, I RUN!!!"
my dog: "MY HUMAN! THROW FRISBEE! I CATCH I RUN WITH FRISBEE IN MOUTH!"
me: "there you go"
my dog: "YOU THROW SO FAR! WHY?! NO THROW FAR, I NO CAN CATCH FAR!"
me: "but you will run there and pick it up, no?"
my dog: "yas, but i want catch frisbee!"
me: "you silly"
my dog: "no, i no silly. you silly. frisbee silly. throw again"
me: "but you didn't bring it, you left it there"
my dog: "i no feel go there, it far. i lay down now"
me: "why?"
my dog: "you want take photo, i know you want take photo. you take photo now"
me: "aaaaaw, sweetheart!"
my dog: "no sweatheart, you take photo, i go run then"
me: "okay, stay there, and don't move"
my dog: "EY! MY HUMAN! WHERE GO? I COME TOO!"
me: "oh come on, i told you to stay there"
my dog: "BUT WHERE GO?! WHY YOU LEAVE ME HERE?!"
me: "but i need to take a photo, i can't take it from 5cm away from you"
my dog: "i no want wait. you take 5cm or you no take at all"
me: "look, i have treats"
my dog: "TREATS! FOR ME! I LAY DOWN! I WAIT! GIVE!"
me: "good boy"
my dog: "MY HUMAN! I LOVE!"
me: "okay, now stay there, i need to take a photo. i will not leave you here, i promise"
my dog: "okay, i wait"
me: "good boy. i will press the butt... EY! WHY DID YOU ESCAPE?!"
my dog: "i no feel pose camara anymore, i run get frisbee"




« Last Edit: January 02, 2017, 13:24:42 by Shadows-In-Twilight »
all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!

Shadows-In-Twilight Offline si

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Antw:it's a dog's life
« Reply #53 on: January 04, 2017, 15:48:15 »
my dog: "my human, i hungry"
me: "go eat your f..."
my dog: "i no want dry food, i want chickun beef"
me: "you will get meat for your dinner"
my dog: "no! i want now! i no eat dry food"
me: "then stay hungry"
my dog: "i no care hungry, i want chickun beef"
*10 minutes later, i'm just about to open the freezer*
my dog: "MY HUMAN! YOU OPEN FREEZE"
me: "yes. so what?"
my dog: "you take chickun beef out"
me: "oh really?"
my dog: "yas. i watch you take"
me: "stay away from the freezer"
my dog: "i put head in freeze"
me: "EY! I SAID STAY AWAY! i don't need your hair in the freezer as well"
my dog: "WHAT WRONG WITH MY HAIR?"
me: "it doesn't belong in here, okay?"
my dog: "okay. take chickun beef"
me: "go away i said"
my dog: "you no take i put head in freeze again"



all dogs are great, but mine is absolutely 100% the greatest dog who ever dogged!